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Is he interested or not?

The Mystery of Hot & Cold, not a boyfriend, a little mix of a best friend, definitely not a bro and not yet a lover, It was always said that women are indecisive and more scared than men, but a guy can be hopelessly in love with you, yet terrified to make the first step, but a lady sees something she wants and Woooooooooop she jumps directly to it, there is no discussion!

I always had this on the back of my mind, that If a guy wants me, I’ll know it. He won’t make it a mystery; he won’t try to confuse me and he’ll make it just as clear as all the manipulative hot and cold actions as not to risk losing me because there is nothing more infuriating in the world of dating and relationships than a guy who one day seems interested, but then also maybe not, but then yes but no again

Yes, it happens, he MAY BE in love with you, but then what?

The uncertainty usually runs rampant if a guy seems to fall somewhere in-between, he disappears for days at a time and then texts you the sweetest message you’ve ever received. He says he really cares about you but doesn’t really act like it. And while you’re in this chaotic phase, all you want to know is whether this guy likes you or not?! You see, a guy can be somewhat interested in you, but not into it. Instead of seeing it for what it seems, we always make up excuses and justifications to rationalize his behavior, only if you really like him, I know it’s somehow crazy, we are going out and it’s super amazing, but we aren’t together “there’s nothing much happening” you guys don’t text each other, and he’s not making any effort. But, here’s the thing, when together, you have the best time. Does he like you? Absolutely. Is he wanting a relationship? No. That’s the difference, what he feels against what he thinks he wants in two different places.

I can’t generalize this, but at least once in your life you lived the mixed-up messages phase.

Ladies,  Bring the note books and start relating ..

When you like someone, there’s a lot of emotional instability going on. You’re nervous, then you’re happy, then scared, then jealous not all of us are lucky to get an instant answer for the unnamed type of relation, but maybe few were lucky and did, and the reason behind that varies…

Here you goooo !

  • They may be fighting a  battle internally with their emotions. He likes you, but he’s not sure what he should do about it, or what type of liking you is it and probably other billions of questions goes in mind 
  • He might be interested but not to the extent that he would take a step to label your relation.He keeps the relationship where it’s at, if you are not questioning, He’s not saying he wants to get into anything serious, however, he isn’t saying he doesn’t want anything he is only keeping the relationship where its at. That’s the awkward thing, He likes you but also doesn’t have to commit to you and for him it’s perfect because he can still have other options and the singledom label would make you just one of the options. He can be your “boyfriend” without the label because he’s scared of committing, or until further notice.
  • Maybe he’s been hurt by a past relationship. Men, just like women, can feel very vulnerable when it comes to loving someone, especially if their heart has been broken in the past. Unless you’re the first person he’s been involved with; he likely had difficult experiences involving rejection and heartache, or also fears expressing his real emotions.
  •   He doesn’t try to provoke the FUTURE word.It’s like I want it as much casual as it could be, he is not ready to get stuck in “it’s either take a step further or let’s forget about it”, he’s simply scared of messing things up with you or he’s scared of losing out on other opportunities later. if he’s not talking about other women it’s usually because there are no other women, right now! But tomorrow … who knows 
  •  If I was a single guy going to a party, I wouldn’t bring a girl with me. I’d make sure I look single.HIM taking you to a party makes people question his status, so if it happens and he is taking you to important events with him, so he wants the connection and is proud of your company, and he wants to show you off, Take care it’s not a clear sign, it may be a random thing also..
  • He thinks of the little things. Maybe you’re sick, so he brings over chicken soup. Well, first, that’s adorable. Second, if he wasn’t into you, he would just call / text you in a week. It’s the little things to keep an eye on. Those small details show the feelings that they have for you but what if best friends does that also :O
  • He has his cold periods, This is one of the most painful signs he is fighting his feelings for you. He might not even be aware that he is fighting them. And while he is having a hard time processing things and rationalizing between what he thinks and what he feels, you will probably have it harder because you will feel like he is playing you. Rely on your intuition. Is it something he does unintentionally or is he playing mind games?
  • Most men don’t open up so easily, but if he starts confiding in you, he looks at you as someone whom he can trust, and that’s always a good sign. You can have small talk with anybody, but all the personal stuff you share with people that mean more
  • You will share undeniable chemistry and sexual tension, He will check you out top to bottom and always find a way to give some indirect complement of how amazing or hot you look. He might even try to put all the accumulated sexual tension into some dirty words and sexual remarks. All in all, the magnetism connecting you is something that is hard to describe but easy and inevitable to feel
  •  If a guy is into you, he will open up and will peel back that outer layer. He might not necessarily bring out all the skeletons in his closet to play, but he will share information that is more real. There is a big difference between knowing about someone and knowing someone
  • If you want to know how to get a guy to express his feelings, start by assessing what seems to his love language example:  If he’s constantly seeking your physical contact and holding your hand, it’s likely physical touch. He may have trouble with the words, but if he’s expressing his feelings in other ways, just be reassured.

And since the myth says actions speak louder than words so it might help interpreting the grand romantic gestures, it’s not rocket science 😉 but somehow these tips are awakening

let’s talk about the potential reasons behind this uncertainty

Now that you know these mixed – fucked up signs with mind games, start putting the pieces of the puzzle together and decide for your own good.

  • If he’s too scared to make the first move, try to show more attention that might encourage him or else move on to someone who has the balls to be with you and admit it.
  • don’t hold yourself back from talking to other people, and make sure he knows what he should do, If he doesn’t then there is no apparent reason to reserve yourself for the unknown.
  • Eyes talk, there’s a different vibe to how he’ll look at you when it comes from a place of love, versus a place of attraction. It’s a softness in his eyes, a longing that’s deeper than lust. so you could easily relate when someone just looks at you, and when someone looks at you and his eyes glaze, you can feel it. If you felt he is into you, next step comes easier
  • Quit the intimacy, stop being there, don’t call, text or show extra attention after all the continuous trials, Stop giving him a full boyfriend package if he is only subscribed for an ordinary friend
  • He tells you. Or, he could deny it when you ask him, but no one makes the rules here, guys tend to make things more complicated than necessary. Confronting him is not always the proper solution, but what if it is the only solution … then do it!
  • The common pattern is a telltale sign of a man who is scared to commit. When you notice him pulling away, give him space? Don’t chase after him, which will only encourage him to start running. Instead, even if it’s difficult, focus on your own life and keep busy. The more space he’s given and the more independent he sees you, the more likely he will feel comfortable getting closer on his own time if he still wants you.
  • Give it time. The more time you spend together, the easier it will be to build that trust necessary for a solid relationship. You need to earn his trust, and he needs to earn yours. So, roll slow and focus on building a solid foundation of friendship before you move too deep into the romantic stuff.Talk a little about your past relationships and how you’ve been hurt to show him that it is possible to move forward even with past pain. This could open the door to him talking about his own experiences.
  • Don’t take his actions at face value, especially if they’re out of the ordinary. Ask yourself what he might be converting into action. Have you had an awkward conversation? Could you have hurt his feelings? Give him some space and see if he gets back on track 
  • Being a communicative, expressive woman, this may be hard for you to handle. You have to decide if you’re willing to work with this guy who may be a little emotionally shut down or not. There are strategies you can use to open up the dialogue, starting with not pushing too hard. I know, the more he pulls away, the more you pursue one of those “talks” that  men loathe. But realize that he needs to feel safe to open up.
  • Let him know that you understand his feelings (even if you have to guess what they are) and that you’re here if he wants to talk about it
  •  If you’re stressing about the vast difference between how you both process feelings, realize that it’s not your job to change how he is. Nor can you. Cut your losses and move on. A man who can deal with actual feelings is out there.
  • Honor his request. Solid relationships are about “give and take”, so realize that talking about feelings can’t be your way or the highway. He gets input into how you approach certain subjects, too.

IF EVERYONE MEANS WHAT HE DOES, IT WOULD BE SIMPLE, BUT WHAT IF HE SHOWS, WHAT HE DOESN’T MEAN…..To get an insight into how your guy’s feeling and the red flags : 

  • increased visual attention is a clear sign that he has feelings for and is very attracted to you. The fact that he’s looking away is an indicator that the feeling is overwhelming to him, the particular way he looks at you can also give your insight into how he feels.
  • He wants to spend time together, then disappears out of the blue.
  • The more you invest emotionally in him, the more your sense of self-worth will become entangled in his opinion of yourself. If he’s nice and affectionate, you are worthy. If he’s cold and distant, you feel worthless.  You aren’t her authentic self with him and instead tries to make yourself into what you think he wants. you are careful with everything you say, worrying that something as slight as a single overeager text message might be enough to ruin everything. you cling to the hope that once she can get him to commit, she’ll finally feel okay, if you reach this cut him off! You worth way better 
  • Back off when your Guy sends out mixed messages when they like attention from you, but know deep down they won’t commit to something long term. It could be because that guy knows that by keeping a girl mildly interested, but still technically within the boundaries of the “friend zone,” that they’ve not done anything ‘unpleasant’ But at the same time, you will get more roped in and hopeful
  • Finally, if you recognize this pattern: he acts interested and initiates a few dates in a row. Everything goes well, and you feel good about the relationship. Suddenly, his level of communication plummets, and he seems to be busier than normal. Maybe he doesn’t return your messages like he did before or avoids your phone calls. If the distance continued to grow, you would probably assume that he had lost interest. However, just when you begin to make the distance on your own, he contacts you, and the cycle begins anew.

Wrap up, Dealing with mixed signals can be stressful and emotionally draining. You may find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of the relationship or wondering if you should break it off to spare yourself heartache down the line. If you notice the types of behavior listed above and you genuinely care for the guy, then try to give him some time and space. Instead of confronting him or trying to talk endlessly about his feelings, give him enough space to work his feelings out on his own.

It can be difficult at first but putting the focus back on yourself will protect your own mental and emotional health. This attitude may give him the security needed to commit to you once and for all.

Be cautious: some men can get stuck in a holding pattern where they seem permanently unwilling to commit. If you’ve been dating for a long time and you’re looking to settle down, but the guy you’re with is still hesitant about admitting his true feelings and committing to you, you should give a lot of thought on whether or not to continue the relationship.

By Maissoun Khaled
A marketer , painter and passionate writer

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